


Melodies

by bloodred_ander



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Murder, Past Character Death, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-02 14:53:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14547141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodred_ander/pseuds/bloodred_ander
Summary: I had an idea. I lost motivation halfway through.This is a repost not a rewrite!!





	Melodies

**Author's Note:**

> This was previously titled " _Ten songs by Bastille_ " and was written way back in 2015. I've only changed the format and reposted it because I couldn't stand seeing another fic that I just can't finish. I didn't edit what I wrote because I don't think my past self would appreciate that (so essentially me from three years ago is responsible for writing these drabbles).

_**1) Song: Poet** _

**Pairing: Cris/Leo**  
Warnings: Implied/Referenced Suicide, Murder, Character Death   
  


He traces his fingers across the parched paper of the book he's holding. It feels fragile under his touch just like the person it's about. He wrote it so many years ago that it almost feels like it's from another lifetime. It feels like that because of the fact that he wasn't here anymore.....hadn't been here for so many years.  
  
A single tear makes its way down his wrinkled cheek. He doesn't bother wiping it away. A single tear means nothing when compared to the amount he's shed throughout the years. A single tear means nothing anymore because he's learnt long ago that no matter how much he cried....he wasn't coming back.

  
He wishes things were different. He wishes his life had been longer. Eighteen years was too short a time for such a beautiful person to live. It was too short mostly because the world had missed out on the chance of knowing the most wonderful person ever. He couldn't stand the thought of that, which is why he did it; he wrote a book about him. About all his wonderful qualities and about all the good he had done in just his short eighteen years. He wrote about him because he was too beautiful to be kept a secret.   
  
It's the least he could do. The only thing he could do. To ease his guilt. To ease his pain. To correct his mistake. The book would be published soon and everyone would read it and they would know. They would know about what he had done. They would turn the pages and read. They would read about how he had ended the life of someone so beautiful only because he was so ashamed of who he himself was. Of what he was.   
  
He held the small glass vial in his hand. The crimson liquid inside it all too similar to what had stained his hands all those years ago. A few more tears flowed down his cheeks as he opened the vial and downed the liquid. He looked at the old leather-bound book that was now on his desk, an unopened letter placed beside it. He let out a shaky breath. His writings would be published and people would know about him. They would know about the lovely Lionel whom he had murdered all those years ago. They would love him just like Cristiano did but they wouldn't be ashamed of Lionel like he was.   


  


  
_**2) Song: Laura Palmer** _

**Pairing: Mats/Erik**  
Warnings: Homophobia, Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Drug Use   
  
  
Mats understands what Erik feels. Even though most people don't understand him, Mats does. And he could never judge Erik like they do. Never. Almost everyone knew about Erik. Most of them loathed him while the others simply pretended to care. It wasn't his fault, was it? It wasn't his fault that the person who he had chosen to love was a guy. It wasn't wrong and he wasn't disgusting. So why did everyone else treat him differently? Why did they treat him like he was a freak? Why did his own parents treat him differently? He was still their son and they had to love him, had to be there for him when everyone else was against him. Mats knew that if Erik's parents had cared, he would've been better, he would've treated himself better. Mats cared so much for Erik but he knew that wasn't enough. Not nearly enough.   
  
Mats thinks maybe that's why Erik did what he did. Maybe when Erik didn't get the support of the two people he loved most in the world, he lost himself. He lost himself in a world of darkness. In a world of pain and self-hate. He lost himself in a world of sadness, in a world that taught him how to despise who he was. Maybe that's why the cuts on Erik's wrists seemed to multiply in number everyday like he had found a new reason to hate himself. It was because he had lost himself in a world that did teach him how to hate himself instead of love. It taught him how to hurt himself instead of heal. It taught him that if society thought he was disgusting, then he had no right to believe otherwise. It taught him all the wrongs things and Erik learnt it eagerly.   
  
Mats remembers the countless number of times he's tried to convince Erik that he wasn't a freak. He remembers the countless number of times he's told him to stop the drugs, the alcohol, everything. The countless number of times he held Erik and told him that he's beautiful, that he's a perfect person and that he wasn't going to gain anything by hurting himself. He also recalls telling Erik how he should never be ashamed of being gay. Mats recalls telling him that it didn't matter who he chose to love. Mats also recalls that not once did Erik bother to listen to him.   
  
Mats thinks back to that particular summer evening. That evening when everything went spiraling out of control. Mats had never seen Erik so mad. He doesn't really recall why the argument had started or why he was with Erik at that particular moment but he remembers everything else very clearly. That night it seemed as though Erik had been pushed too far as he yelled at the top of his lungs; pouring out his heart to his family. Mats wishes things had been different for Erik at that time considering the amount of shit he had put up with but it wasn't. Somehow the argument had escalated to the point where Erik's father had promptly decided that disowning his son was better than trying to understand and support him. Mats thinks that maybe that's when something in Erik broke permanently. Some part of him that couldn't be repaired. Maybe that's when Erik turned from bad to worse.   
  
Everyday after that was a struggle. Not only for Erik but for Mats as well. Erik was staying with him now and in a way Mats felt like this was a good thing because he would always be around to help Erik. But Erik didn't want help and Mats wasn't sure how to help because Erik kept pushing him away. Despite that Mats decided that he would keep trying to help Erik, to make him feel better and see himself as a better person. The reason Erik had been through so much was only because he had chosen to love Mats. And Mats would never leave Erik because he was too deeply in love with him. He would help Erik see the world as a better place.....even if said world didn't accept them for who they were.   
  
  


  
_**3) Song: Requiem for Blue Jeans** _

_**Pairing: Cesc/Gerard  
Warnings: None** _

  
  
Cesc had never been good at hiding his feelings and Gerard knew how Cesc felt about him. From the very first time they met, he knew that Cesc liked him.  
  
They were so different from each other. Gerard never understood what Cesc saw in him and vice-versa. They had countless number of fights and misunderstandings almost everyday but despite all that, Gerard would never leave Cesc.   
  
He loved him too much.  


Eventually though there came a time when Gerard just couldn't take it anymore. As much as he didn't want to leave Cesc, love surely wasn't enough to help them get by. They needed much more than just that. Gerard needed to get a hold of his life, he needed to do better. Not just for himself but for Cesc as well.  
  
He tried explaining but Cesc wouldn't listen, he was so naive to think that everything would magically work out for them.  
  
And so Gerard left. He left with a promise of returning as soon as he managed to set himself up. Cesc didn't want to let him go but he left anyways.   
  
It took him a while but somehow, Gerard had started doing well for himself and he was so caught up in his own little world that he forgot about his Cesc; about his promise of returning. It was intentional. Every time Gerard thought that he was doing well enough, every time he thought of going back to Cesc and giving him all the happiness he deserved, he also automatically doubted that what he had wouldn't be enough for them.  
  
It would never be enough to keep them happy.  
  
Gerard wanted to return, he wanted to go back to Cesc but he was scared that if he went back he wouldn't move forward. He was scared he'd lose control of his life again, that they'd have to scrape by everyday. Cesc would be happy living like that but not him. Gerard wasn't stupid, he knew they needed much more than just love and understanding to make a relationship work.  
  
He didn't go back. He didn't go back because he was trying to better himself for Cesc. He was working hard now just so Cesc would be happier in the future.   
  
He just hoped Cesc would understand that and he hoped Cesc would never forget how much he loved him.  
  
  


 

  
_**4) Song: No Angels** _

**Pairing: Fernando/Sergio**  
Warnings: None  
  
  
Sergio is definitely not someone Fernando would want to be associated with. That guy was a total loser. Sure, maybe he wasn't rich and Fernando actually didn't care about that but he hated the way Sergio kept boasting when he literally had nothing to boast about.  


He didn't like how Sergio was constantly degrading others just to make himself feel better.   
  
It was only obvious that when Sergio asked him out, Fernando said no. He would never ever go out with him but that was only because Sergio was an asshole not because he had nothing to offer.   
  
The rumors spread really quickly. Rumors that Fernando had rejected Sergio only because he wasn't as well to do as he was. It wasn't true but Fernando was hated nonetheless and no matter how bad Sergio was, people hated Fernando even more.   
  
Fernando tried to explain. Every time someone would ask him why he rejected Sergio, Fernando would say it was because he was a bad person. Nobody believed him. They would always believe the lie that Fernando had rejected Sergio because he wasn't from a rich family.   
  
And so after a while, tired of all the accusations, Fernando decides to actually turn into the person they think him to be.   
  
He starts insulting Sergio now, making fun of him for every possible reason. He treats Sergio the same way he used to treat others.   
  
To Fernando's surprise, Sergio never retaliates. He just puts up with all the insults Fernando throws his way. Agitated by this, Fernando pushes more.   
  
It takes Fernando a while to realize the change; in Sergio as well as himself.   
  
Sergio's not the same as before. He's changed. He's taken over the role of being the innocent lamb while Fernando plays the lion.   
  
It takes Fernando a while to realize but by then it's too late; Fernando's turned into the kind of person he was so scared of being associated with.   
  
  


  
_**5) Song: The Draw** _

**Pairing: Iker/Xavi  
Warnings: Abusive Relationships**   
  
**(A/N: If someone truly loves you, they should never - would never - hurt you in this manner)**  
  
Change isn't something that comes easily. Maybe that's why it's said that nobody can ever really change who they are.   
  
Xavi knew how Iker was from the very beginning but he still stayed with him. Iker was abusive and despite the countless number of times he had promised to change, he remained the same. Xavi didn't leave him though because in the same way that Iker couldn't change who he was, Xavi couldn't change the fact that he was in madly in love with Iker.   
  
He knew that maybe he would find someone better but that someone would never be his Iker.

 

People don't understand. Xavi knows that they don't. And he also knows that they loathe him or that's what he thinks.   
  
They all treat him with pity: like he's stuck in a trap he can't free himself from; like he's too weak to stand up for himself. They just don't understand. They don't understand what it is to be so in love with someone that you'd put up with absolutely anything. They just don't understand and they certainly don't care.   
  
But then there are some instances where Xavi feels differently. He knows his friends are simply trying to look out for him, he knows the genuinely care and sometimes he even thinks of taking their advice.   
  
Sometimes, Xavi thinks that leaving Iker is what's best for him.   
  
It's like every single time Xavi thinks of leaving he's pulled back by some inexplicable, invisible force. He wants to leave but decides to stay because he isn't sure what he'll do without Iker.   
  
So he stays, hoping that Iker will change somehow. Hoping that Iker would learn to channel his love in less violent and aggressive ways.   
  
Xavi compromises his freedom and his happiness, hoping their relationship will work out better. But it takes two to make things go right and it surely isn't easy when only Xavi is working to improve their relationship.   
  
Not when the one who should be working on improvement is Iker.   
  
Xavi realizes after a while that his efforts are futile. Iker isn't changing and he's sacrificing far too much for nothing. He listens to his friends this time when they say he's stupid for not leaving Iker earlier on. He listens to them when they say that he himself was to blame for letting things get this far. He listens to them for real this time, when they tell him to leave Iker. They tell him he'll get someone better and Xavi trusts them because he knows they care and only want what's best for him.   
  
But it's easier said than done and Xavi doesn't think he'll be able to leave Iker. He doesn't think he'll be able to do it but he definitely will try. He needs someone who'll treat him right, who'll love him but gently, not violently. He needs to leave Iker.   
  
It isn't easy. It feels like Iker and he are two opposite poles and even though he wants to leave, Iker somehow keeps drawing him back.   


  


_**6) Song: Adagio for strings.** _

**Pairing: Marco/Mats**  
Warnings: None   


 

Marco had known Mats practically all his life. They had been the best of friends, Marco liked to think that despite everything they still were. Marco didn't realise when his feelings towards Mats had changed but when the older boy had said I love you, Marco noticed that he reciprocated that sentiment.   
  
But maybe Love was too strong a word to use because both of them certainly weren't ready for a relationship. Well, maybe not both of them.  
  
"God dammit, Mats! Don't say it if you don't mean it."  
  
"Marco, please don't do this again..."  
  
"Don't do what exactly? Point out the truth? That all this, our relationship, is some big joke to you?"  
  
"It's not like that, Marco. You know I love you."  
  
"Do you now? Is that why you avoid me then? Why you barely manage to spend an hour a day with me?"  
  
"Marco..."  
  
"Just tell me why, Mats? Why have you changed so much? If this relationship is not something you want we could always end it but don't treat me like this."  
  
"No! I want this. I want us. Please."  
  
"It's so hard to believe that that's what you actually want..."  
  
~~   
  
"We were supposed to be going out for dinner today."  
  
"I know, I'm sorry. I had a long day at the office."  
  
"Really? So that means you didn't go to the bar with Bene then?"  
  
"How did--"  
  
"Why do you lie, Mats?"  
  
"You were spying on me?!"  
  
"What else am I supposed to do if you lie all the damn time?"  
  
"I was..."  
  
"I've told you before, Mats...leave me if you want to but stop treating me like this. Stop hurting me."  
  
~~  
  
"I really can't do this anymore, Mats. I'm tired of feeling so lonely and broken."  
  
"I try, Marco. What more do you what from me?"  
  
"I… nothing. I want nothing from you. Not your time, not your attention and not your love. Not anymore."  
  
"So what? You're leaving me now?"  
  
"It's not easy for me to do this, Mats. But you've changed."  
  
"I've changed?"  
  
"You're not the same guy I grew up with. Not my best friend. You're not even the guy I fell in love with. You've changed. You're someone else entirely. I don't even.....I don't even know what we are anymore?"  
  
  
  
_**7) Song: Skulls**_

_**Pairing: Ander Herrera/Iker Munian** _

_**Warnings: None. This is the only fluffly drabble lmao** _

  


Forever may seem like a really long time but for Iker, it wasn't nearly enough. He wanted to spend his entire life — including his afterlife — with his beloved Ander. And then possibly longer, if there was anything after the afterlife.  
  
Ander was the best thing that ever happened to him and Iker's only regret was not meeting him sooner. Ander was his soulmate, his better half, his… well Ander was his life. Iker wouldn't know what to do if Ander ever left him - he really hoped it didn't come to that.   
  
Ander wasn't perfect, Iker knew that. The same could be said for their relationship; they had their fare share of ups and downs. But they always overcame every obstacle in the end. They were happy together in their own little world.   
  
And Iker wouldn't have it any other way. He only hoped that their forever would never end. Even after life had long left their bodies.

**Author's Note:**

> All songs are by Bastille.


End file.
